"So establishing that first and foremost is important, and I will always make sure that I communicate that to my team as well, because it’s not always going to be me speaking to them.”
Wadey at the National Bereavement Service likewise suggests that advisers, who may experience grief over a client’s passing, will need to take their lead from the next of kin as to how that grief is expressed to them.
She also says it is important for people who have previously experienced a bereavement themselves not to project that personal experience onto other people.
“It’s very easy for somebody to think, ‘My partner died, and their partner has died, so this is what they’re feeling.’ And that is not the case. It may be, but grief takes a myriad of different forms.”
Coffey agrees. “Some clients would be quite comfortable with you sharing recent bereavement stories yourself, so that you’re on their level. You’re humanising it, you’re saying that you’ve been through it.
“On the flip side, others may feel like you’re taking over the situation. So sometimes it’s definitely not the best idea to talk about yourself in these situations, and just focus on them.”
Handling personal grief over a client’s passing
Nevertheless, in many cases advisers build a longstanding relationship with clients and can be grieving themselves as they support the family, says Octopus Investments’ Greenwood. “You can’t pour from an empty cup, so it’s important that advisers can access support too,” she adds.
In terms of how advisers might handle their own grief after losing a long-term client, Wadey says acknowledging the grief is the first step, and accepting that the grief is legitimate.
“Quite often because we are providing a service, we are the ‘knowledge people’,” Lorimer says. “Our clients come to us, they pay us to have answers and they expect us to be fully professional. However, it is often the case that we will grieve that person and it is okay to feel that way and we share that in the team.
“What I’ve also found is that sometimes the news can be quite sudden. I had a situation where I had been on holiday, and an email popped up that a client had passed away.
"While older people pass away, it’s not so much of a shock. However, it’s not something that you’re constantly thinking about. So I think the first thing is to understand that it’s okay to be surprised by your reaction to a client passing.
