Timpson describes how, over the years he has had numerous difficult conversations in both work and personal life settings.
He puts this down “in large part due to my masking what I now know to be my autism and “not reading the room/ moment” not always “getting the joke”, and “over thinking/analysing a situation”. Timpson also describes at times “over focussing on what I perceived to be my weaknesses”.
The consequences were serious. “This, at times, has almost led to my walking away from roles and/or opportunities” he reports.
He believes that ways of coping and self compassion are closely eclipsed. “I’ve dealt with it and managed my mental wellbeing by developing what I now recognise as coping mechanisms and self-compassion.
He describes these as being:
- Self-awareness.
- Being kind and not hard on myself.
- Focusing on my strengths not weaknesses.
- Realising that it’s not just me and that we are all human and make mistakes.
- Redefining failure. He says: "I need to view it as 'not knowing why I did not get the outcome I sought', rather than simply not getting the outcome. If I can appreciate why something did not work and learn from it, that’s a positive outcome."
- Allowing booking out self-time to reflect and take learning, switch off and meditate ("walking my dog, and gardening are my enablers for this").
He also believes it is vital for advisers to have greater self-compassion, and to support each other in this respect.
Timpson recommends: “Know and be aware of yourself, colleague, and client. I share this as knowing and understanding that I’m neurodivergent, I now feel more comfortable with myself and reaching out for support if I need it plus, and importantly, reaching out to those I see could do with a helping hand/word, and offering it”.
Ways to support yourself and colleagues
Like Timpson, North feels that her autism led made it more difficult to settle at work and some really difficult situations. “As an autistic person, undiagnosed until this year, I have had many awful work experiences in my life that should never have happened.”
They “had a huge impact on my confidence, whether I stayed in jobs at the time and how happy I have been in my roles.”
She says: "The outcome now is that I listen to myself more closely and try to extract myself from situations that may be harmful or avoid situations I think might cause problems later on.
"It can take days to recover from an uncomfortable situation. I am also more comfortable just being myself but mainly because I no longer work for anyone else”
North believes that “this is the only life I have and in a work situation we are all replaceable”.
She explains: “My health and wellbeing always has to come first - as it should for everyone. I also remind myself that very few people get it right all the time, it might seem that way but the reality is very different.”
North describes herself as “autistic - this is my preferred way of phrasing this)” and having ADHD. She says: “I have struggled with both for years in a world not designed for us but was only diagnosed this year.”
